Why don't your grandchildren go to church?

You love God and you love church, where you feel close to God. And you live your faith before your family. So why is it that so many of us have adult grandchildren and even adult children that see the inside of a church less than three times a year?

When you think about it, it is heartbreaking, so you find a way not to think about it. But it matters, doesn't it?

What is the Gospel?

Are we being saved from an eternity in hell? That would make Christianity a tremendous bargain, but  first one must fear an eternity in hell. Our culture has succeeded in its relentless quest to eliminate the fear of hell as a motivator for salvation. And fear of hell has traditionally ushered in the greatest evangelical movements. Try reading Jonathan Edwards' 1741 Sermon, "Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God" Jonathan Edwards' fiery, evangelistic messages helped to ignite the Great Awakening that swept both the American Colonies and Great Britain.

Do we need a New Gospel?

Certainly, there is one Gospel, Jesus came and died for sinners. However, churches must now appeal to a very different demographic -- people unafraid of hell. So, what did Jesus die for in the minds of that demographic? Indeed, the classic question all salesmen (and evangelists are, at root, salesmen) is "What need does my customer have that I can supply?" And churches have been basing their outreach strategies on meeting those needs, or at least appearing to meet those needs.

A Moral Upbringing

 There are a number of services churches provide to young families. From the nursery to Sunday School to Young Adults Church, children get a lot of attention from churches. This is attractive to young mothers who want their children to grow to be "good citizens" and "happy mates and parents." Mothers bring their children to church, and they grow, grow grow. 

At an alarming rate, these "good citizens" stop going to church, because they have not bought into the value proposition: they get little or nothing out of church. Meanwhile most of those moms and grandmas attend church solo: Dad is also not getting a lot out of it.

Belonging: Our Greatest Need

Experts will tell you that belonging is not the greatest need, and that is probably true in some sense. There are certainly more fulfilling needs, but belonging is the doorway that gets us to a place where we can consider pursuing those "higher needs." For most of us, those "higher needs" are completely out of reach. So for us, finding and nurturing "Communities of Belonging" is our lifelong quest once we have basic food and shelter needs addressed. And most of us, sadly, fail in that quest.

Where Do You Go When You Are Lonely?

Culture to the rescue, again! Culture provides two compelling paths to fake belonging, and way too many of us fall for both of these lies:
  • Serial TV and Movies portray fantastical groups of people for whom fake belonging seems to work.
  • Politicians and Talking Heads present identity groups to which we may "belong"
Each of these appeal to a different "ground of belonging." Identity groups provide a theoretical fake belonging that "doesn't keep you warm at night." They assure us that we are safe from the monsters that hold opposing views, but the belonging needs that ache within us are not met by our identity groups. Instead of helping us to make our way in the world, they focus our attention outward: toward those evil people who disagree.

The cultural norms of what constitutes a "circle of friends" or a "tight knit family" that we learn about from serials and movies are meant to show us how to belong in our own circle of friends, etc. But they rarely produce an outcome of true belonging, just like flawed architectural plans will lead to a flawed building (unless the builder recognizes the mistake and corrects it!).

Why Don't Our Grandchildren Go To Church?

Today, we have many, many people whose need for belonging is either not being met at all, or is being met poorly. Church offers a sort of half-way belonging. If it were true belonging, our young people would cling to the church that they "belong to." But, sadly, all the evidence tells us many of these young people do not "belong to" their parents' church.

We have transitioned from a fear-based, hell-avoidance sales strategy to a feel-good, we-are-the-good-guys sales strategy. That strategy backfires as soon as the congregant realizes that other things can make you feel good and if we are good guys why do we need church?

Can the Solution be Traveling Companions?

Maybe some of our young people are "turned off" by church, but still love Jesus. Maybe they need a way to incorporate Jesus into their lives that does not require them to return to church. Maybe engaging with Jesus as Traveling Companions will provide a pathway for them to return someday to church. Think about it.

Buy the book!

Paperback:
Kindle:

Comments

  1. Here is another view of this topic:
    http://ccsonline.ca/2014/03/why-dont-my-children-and-grandchildren-go-to-church/#page-content

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This is an excellent approach that involves engaging with your kids and grandkids as equal intellectual peers, seeking to understand one another. I commend this approach. However, what if your progeny are repulsed by church, but love Jesus? Traveling Companions may provide a way of connecting with God through Christ that leaves church "on the back burner."

      Delete
    2. and here is a link to his book (preorder)
      https://www.augsburgfortress.org/store/productgroup/1405/Why-Don-t-My-Grandchildren-Go-To-Church

      The book is available June 9, 2020 for $16.99 from Augsburg Fortress

      Delete
  2. Here is one writer's idea:

    https://www.growchristians.org/2016/08/19/my-grandkids-dont-go-to-church-what-can-i-do/?unapproved=43746&moderation-hash=da4d1c427e7ed43881b110fa186319bb#comment-43746

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. On this page, Ron Rolheiser is quoted answering a grandma: “We are the Body of Christ. Don’t ever forget that. Do you love them? Do you pray for them?”

      The grandmother replied, “Of course.”

      “Then,” he said, “through you, they touch the hem of his garment. They are fine. They are bound to Christ through you.”

      My reply to this mess(age):

      This is a comforting message, and I tend to agree that the deposits of Spirit in the lives of our children (and even grandchildren!) are powerful and long-lasting. We see this in the good manners and kindness of our progeny, and should rejoice over this.

      However, who can deny that we each hold personal responsibility for the relationships we choose to engage in?

      If my grandchild chooses to have a relationship with a Satanist (an extreme, although sadly realistic example), will I have to answer to God for that choice?

      If my grandchild actually embraces Satanism, am I now damned for my spiritual connection with my grandchild?

      Conversely, is my now Satanist grandchild going to be welcomed into the halls of heaven for my sake? That seems unfair to all the other Satanists.

      Selah.

      Delete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog