FAQ: Having Issues With Church?
Herein, we explore some common questions about difficult churches, and provide helpful answers. Enjoy!
Q: What if I am in a bad church?
A: Generally, this question follows "Am I in a bad church?" which I will address below. However, there are steps you can take if you think your church is missing the mark.
1) Ask yourself if there is one person in the church that you can count on to keep your secrets.
2) Approach that person, and ask that person to make a covenant of love with you. Become Traveling Companions.
3) Pray with that person, seeking a shared vision for the pair of you. Don't complain to each other, but share your struggles, pain and joy.
4) Watch and see if your church becomes a bit better.
Q: Am I in a bad church?
Q: What is a bad church?
Q: What makes a bad church?
A: There are several degrees of bad to consider, ranging from being a bit off on doctrine all the way up to seriously abusive leaders.
1) If the church leaders are flirting with the sheep, it is probably a bad church
2) If there is anyone in the church who gets praised more than Jesus does, it is probably a bad church.
3) If you are offended by something somebody says or does, it might be more of a "you" issue.
Q: How to deal with bad church leadership?
A: The most important thing to realize is that church leaders may have no choice in how they lead. Everyone with political power bosses the leaders around. And that is not likely to change. What you can do is work on YOU.
1) The most important thing is to ensure your heart is pure before God (no sniping, bickering, judgment, or bitterness)
2) Then seek out a Traveling Companion, someone within your church or not, with whom you can form a covenant of mutual love.
3) Use this relationship to further purify your heart, strengthen your faith, and grow in love.
4) Watch and see if your issues with leadership improve.
Q: How to leave a bad church?
Q: How do I leave a bad church?
A: If you have found a Traveling Companion, and together you have agreed there is no alternative but to leave, do so, but with a plan:
1) Plan your exit. Set a date you both agree upon -- a date you will both leave. Make it a month or more in the future.
2) Make personal connections with the people within the church that you care about, and establish regular meetings with them (weekly for instance)
3) Make sure to fulfill those appointments. Whether you tell them you are leaving is up to you. I don't advise it. There will be time for that after you do leave.
4) When the exit day arrives, simply stop going to the church.
5) Continue to meet with those special people, explaining your exit, and assuring them you wish to remain in contact. Then remain in contact. Keep those regular meetings!
The most important thing is to realize that even if it is a bad church, you have special and meaningful relationships you would not want to lose. Protect them!Q: How to escape spiritual abuse?
A: First, make certain that you are indeed suffering spiritual abuse. The fact is that God is great, and love conquers all. If you can find a Traveling Companion, you might be able to find a way of escape together. But you might find that you strengthen one another enough to discover that escape is not really necessary. Maybe you just needed the strength that comes from loving and being loved.
Q: What is meant by spiritual abuse?
Q: What is considered spiritual abuse?
A: Spiritual abuse is the use of spiritual language to dominate and control another person. Each of us is responsible for our choices, and we tend to benefit from our healthy choices and suffer for our less healthy choices. When another person uses "God talk" to persuade us to make a choice that is unhealthy for us, that may be spiritual abuse. When a pattern of such control exists, it is likely spiritual abuse. Spiritual abuse occurs in every religious system, because the desire to dominate others is part of our shared humanity, and religious frauds can take advantage of our trust in God to dominate us.
Q: What if I am in a bad church?
A: Generally, this question follows "Am I in a bad church?" which I will address below. However, there are steps you can take if you think your church is missing the mark.1) Ask yourself if there is one person in the church that you can count on to keep your secrets.
2) Approach that person, and ask that person to make a covenant of love with you. Become Traveling Companions.
3) Pray with that person, seeking a shared vision for the pair of you. Don't complain to each other, but share your struggles, pain and joy.
4) Watch and see if your church becomes a bit better.
Q: Am I in a bad church?
Q: What is a bad church?
Q: What makes a bad church?
A: There are several degrees of bad to consider, ranging from being a bit off on doctrine all the way up to seriously abusive leaders.1) If the church leaders are flirting with the sheep, it is probably a bad church
2) If there is anyone in the church who gets praised more than Jesus does, it is probably a bad church.
3) If you are offended by something somebody says or does, it might be more of a "you" issue.
Q: What to do with bad church leadership?
Q: How to deal with bad church leadership?
A: The most important thing to realize is that church leaders may have no choice in how they lead. Everyone with political power bosses the leaders around. And that is not likely to change. What you can do is work on YOU. 1) The most important thing is to ensure your heart is pure before God (no sniping, bickering, judgment, or bitterness)
2) Then seek out a Traveling Companion, someone within your church or not, with whom you can form a covenant of mutual love.
3) Use this relationship to further purify your heart, strengthen your faith, and grow in love.
4) Watch and see if your issues with leadership improve.
Q: How to leave a bad church?
Q: How do I leave a bad church?
A: If you have found a Traveling Companion, and together you have agreed there is no alternative but to leave, do so, but with a plan:1) Plan your exit. Set a date you both agree upon -- a date you will both leave. Make it a month or more in the future.
2) Make personal connections with the people within the church that you care about, and establish regular meetings with them (weekly for instance)
3) Make sure to fulfill those appointments. Whether you tell them you are leaving is up to you. I don't advise it. There will be time for that after you do leave.
4) When the exit day arrives, simply stop going to the church.
5) Continue to meet with those special people, explaining your exit, and assuring them you wish to remain in contact. Then remain in contact. Keep those regular meetings!
The most important thing is to realize that even if it is a bad church, you have special and meaningful relationships you would not want to lose. Protect them!
Q: How to escape spiritual abuse?
A: First, make certain that you are indeed suffering spiritual abuse. The fact is that God is great, and love conquers all. If you can find a Traveling Companion, you might be able to find a way of escape together. But you might find that you strengthen one another enough to discover that escape is not really necessary. Maybe you just needed the strength that comes from loving and being loved.
Q: What is meant by spiritual abuse?
Q: What is considered spiritual abuse?
A: Spiritual abuse is the use of spiritual language to dominate and control another person. Each of us is responsible for our choices, and we tend to benefit from our healthy choices and suffer for our less healthy choices. When another person uses "God talk" to persuade us to make a choice that is unhealthy for us, that may be spiritual abuse. When a pattern of such control exists, it is likely spiritual abuse. Spiritual abuse occurs in every religious system, because the desire to dominate others is part of our shared humanity, and religious frauds can take advantage of our trust in God to dominate us.
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